Controversial Richard "Rip" Hamilton interview with Langlois

Recently embattled Pistons star Richard "Rip" Hamilton gave a rare one on one interview with Pistons reporter Keith Langlois. The questions as you can imagine were soft balls but the answers given by Hamilton were notable for their bizarre nature.  I have included the best excerpts. 


Langlois: So Rip, you have found your way back into the starting line up and have recently sounded far more positive about the team and your role on it, what changed?

Rip: I'm tired of pretending my life isnt perfect and bitchin' and winning every second.

Langlois: Indeed it is Rip. Now lots of fans look at your recent antics and say "Im sick of that guy not working hard for his millions of dollars while i sit here trying to earn my $11 an hour". what do you do you say to that

Rip: They lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say "I can't process it"

Langlois: haha well i'm sure that people wish they had a fabulous life like yours Rip. Now people will say that you aren't worth your contract anymore, that you are unable to perform at a high level anymore. Do you agree?

Rip: I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time- and this includes naps- I;m and F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.

Langlois: So you feel as good as ever?

Rip: i have one speed, one gear. GO!

Langlois: So the fans should look forward to you returning to the court then.

Rip: Thats right keith, theres a new sheriff in town, and he has an army of assassins. 

Langlois: Surely you can understand why they are upset though right?

Rip: Look at what I'm dealing with man, I'm dealing with fools and trolls.

Langlois: So have you made up with Coach Kuester? You have been benched for awhile supposedly with the groin injury. Any thoughts?

Rip: Check it, Keith, I embarrassed Coach Kuester in front of his children and the world by healing at a rate that his unevolved mind can’t process.

Langlois: So you guys have worked it on then?

Rip: Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words, imagine what i would have done with my fire-breathing fists.

Langlois: Well okay Rip, im sure that would have been a bloodbath. What are your goals for the rest of the season?

Rip: BOOM! Winning, duh!

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