I'm an enormous knucklehead. Sorry this is late. That being said......
The Washington Wizards suck.
The name sucks. The logo sucks. The jerseys suck. Andray Blatche's fear of rebounding sucks. Javale McGee's post defense sucks. And you know what else sucks? I know one Washington Wizards fan. And I'm an hour away from DC. The team's sucking radiates throughout the state of Virginia. I think things would probably be better if there was more shit to do than just cook, sell it triple price, and fuck the books.
However, the Detroit Pistons and the Wizards have one thing in common besides sucking: good rookies. John Wall, overrated as he is, is a better point guard than anybody that we have. Greg Monroe, as underrated as he is, is still a golden god. He's shooting sixty percent a game along with averaging 12 points and 9 rebounds as a starter, and he has never seen The Notebook, unlike some mark-ass tricks we call big men on this team.
Top 5 game predications:
1. Kwame Brown will disappear from Charlotte and toss a comically oversized pie at a man he believes to be Michael Jordan. When told that Michael Jordan is the GM of the team he plays for now, he'll smile sheepishly and then start crying.
2. John Wall will be the last player on the court, and Colin Cowherd will use this as evidence that he was robbing a bank 20 minutes before half time.
3. Tayshaun Prince will invent a secret handshake and share it only with Richard Hamilton.
4. For some reason, Ryan Gosling will be in the stands and Charlie Villaneuva's lower lip will tremble.
5. Walter Sharpe will be asleep.
Keys to winning:
1. Cohesion: Yes.
2. No Shenanigans: John Wall has many shenanigans and his team is terrible. Therefore, the no nonsense Greg Monroe's lack of shenanigans will lead to a victory.
3. Get above .500: You know how many teams with winning records Washington has beat? TWO. TWO. If we could convince their coach that it is 2006, then we would win with no trouble. The tricky part will be convincing him that Greg Monroe played for the Pistons in 2006, due to the fact that Kuester will be playing Tayshaun and Rip.