As we all know, the NBA CBA has expired and thus we are officially in a new lockout. To help pass the time, one member suggested that we have a different fanpost about any topic each week. I would like to get us rolling with the "Well obviously, _______ needs to squat more" post.
This post is all about major fails that could have easily been circumvented by more squatting. Girl problems, job problems, lack of hair problems, lack of squatting problems, problem problems, "my name is Chris Bosh" problems, school problems, and even "bitch got a penis" problems can be exposed in here.
To get the ball rolling, Rip Hamilton clearly needs to squat more.
Dude keeps bitching like a 13 year old girl who found out her dady's credit card doesn't work after the oil company went down.
My left hamstring is badly strained from all the lifting; obviously, I needed to squat more.
Barack Obama decided to run for president in one of the worst periods of US history; obviously, that dude needs to squat more.
Lady Gaga has millions of people around the world constantly trying to expose her balls; obviously, that bitch (who might very well have a penis) needs to squat more.
Ray William Johnson couldn't throw up after downing a bottle of Orphan Tears because the toilet bowl called him a homo; obviously, that dude needs to squat more.
After today's fail to give a very attractive coworker the rose, for whom I brought on Classy Friday; obviously, I clearly need to squat more. However, to redeem myself I did pull off the following, intentionally terrible pick up line (this is entirely true, including the coachDP-esque emphasis):
"Hey baby girl,
you look like a very, bodacious, splendiforous and most importantly respectable lady.
I want to DATE the SHIT out of you.
I'm talking LONG walks on the BEACH,
where we exclusively hold hands and I reject all your attempts to get my shirt off.
I'm talking FINE dining baby,
I'm going to take you to a restaurant so classy it BLASTS your panties off."
At this point I can't stop laughing, and had was incapable of getting out the line about opening a bottle of champagne so bubbly it blows her bra straps away. Mission was successful at that point, she was laughing at the entire shtick as well. Unfortunately, I found out her boyfriend wasn't so happy. So I'm going to say that dude obviously needs to squat more, seeing how the worst pick up line I have ever come up with won her over.
Squat and Dunks: BRING THEM TO ME.
Veni. Vidi. Recumbui.