Lawrence Frank: Pistons are with child
by Packey on Jan 12, 2012 3:05 AM EST
in Detroit Pistons News
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PrintThe Pistons are bad. They are 30th in points per game, 30th in turnover rate, 30th in efficiency, 30th in win shares, 30th in PER, 27th in pace, 26th in field goal and opposing field goal percentage, 26th in true shooting percentage, and yeah, they don't get any better -- I think you get the picture.
Lawrence Frank has been adamant that the Pistons are a "work in progress," though, or as he less aptly put it after arguably the worst loss of the season: going through "labor pains," like a pregnancy:
"Not to be insensitive, everybody wants the baby, you have to go through the pregnancy. These are going to be labor pains. Everybody wants to be Chicago or Dallas, but those teams took lumps, too. And we're taking ours."
To get to labor, that would imply that Joe Dumars has done some, you know. He might look pregnant, but he hasn't made enough shrewd moves to warrant anybody suggesting this team is ready to birth a Larry O'Brien baby.
In all reality, as PistonPowered points out, the Pistons are the babies and what we've been subjected to the last five games is dripping vernix caseosa. That shit's disgusting.
"This process may be very painful," Frank said of the rebuilding. "There are no easy answers here."
Ironically, the real pain is Tayshaun Prince. Somebody should've cut that cord, right?
At least we have Greg "Doula" Monroe.
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He does know about the miscarriage, right?
How's that for a slice of fried gold?
by Thom not Tom Gores on Jan 12, 2012 3:30 AM EST reply actions 1 recs
Alls I can say is
Thank god for Roe v. Wade.
I’m sending a check to NARAL today.
My blogs: pakagankarachi.livejournal.com (dormant)
burmahunkalove.livejournal.com (occasional signs of life)
by MrHappyMushroom on Jan 12, 2012 10:06 PM EST up reply actions
“This process may be very painful,” Frank said of the rebuilding. “There are no easy answers here.”
Weird, I can think of all sorts of easy answers right now…
CoughGETABIGCough
Welcome... to the Wallace-hood
by tads on Jan 12, 2012 7:13 AM EST reply actions 1 recs
Interesting.
I didn’t think it worked that way. Pregnancy, I mean, as a result of butt f*cking the fans.
by TDP on Jan 12, 2012 8:48 AM EST reply actions 6 recs
This is totally changing everything I learned in my 8th grade health class
by Rob Rogacki on Jan 12, 2012 10:14 AM EST up reply actions
i thought babies from anal were impossible
thats why it was martin luther’s favorite method of contraception.
follow me on twitter: @danieldresden
The Story of Baby Pistons
Jod: “Little Debbie, will you marry me?”
and the star crunches aligned and in a fiery night of passion the Pistons were conceived.
“We already have a strong start” said Jod. “Swiss Cake Rolls, Cosmic Brownies, and Chocolate Chip Brownies are a good start but we need more.”
So Jod set forth and scoured the product lineup for what he could resign. “NOTHING ELSE NEW!” he shouted “the chocolate chip brownies are enough!”
So Jod saw the Blueberry Creme Roll, and he decided it sounded delicious. “3 years, 25 million” he said. He heard a voice from another room.
“What?!”
“3 YEARS, 25 MILLION!” he screamed “And while we’re at it, the Zebra Cakes have always been consistent performers. Nothing special but still good, almost like a glue. 4 YEARS, 27 MILLION!”
“BUT JOE!” the other voice now having more concern “The Zebra Cakes are getting kinda old. Their popularity has diminished and last year they just sorta clashed with the other cakes.”
Unconcerned with such trivial matters Jod proceeded into the bathroom where he pinched off the loaf that has become this fudge round of a team.
by madpoopz on Jan 12, 2012 9:39 AM EST reply actions 3 recs
For whatever reason, Twitter isn’t giving me the direct link, but Mike Prada just tweeted that the Wizards have the worst offense in the history of the NBA right now.
Great news everyone! The Pistons are #8 on that list!
The 8th worst offense in the history of the NBA belongs to your Detroit Pistons!
"With logic he attacks. With statistics he defends."
oddly enough
charlotte has the 17th worst. so this season so far is producing 3 of the 20 worst offensive teams in the history of the NBA. that’s something right there.
This team is more like afterbirth.
The artist formally known as DetBalla.
by BillyRude on Jan 12, 2012 11:07 AM EST via mobile reply actions
And when that baby's born, its that baby from Dead Alive:
"trout jefferson is using multiple numbers and no swears. I barely recognize you man." - Kurt Mensching
by Trout Jefferson on Jan 12, 2012 11:19 AM EST reply actions
I guess it’s too bad David Stern’s attempts to abort the season didn’t pan out?
"With logic he attacks. With statistics he defends."
by brgulker on Jan 12, 2012 11:56 AM EST reply actions 1 recs
im enjoying the parity that the lockout brought to us.
follow me on twitter: @danieldresden
by dandresden on Jan 12, 2012 12:06 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Now everyone is playing terribly, not just the regular bad teams! NBA is fantastic!
by garrettelliott on Jan 12, 2012 1:04 PM EST up reply actions
Joe Dumars is waiting for us in a back alley with a wire hanger.
(I’m going to hell)
Fire Joe Dumars
by Kriz on Jan 12, 2012 12:19 PM EST reply actions 3 recs
Well the first thing Joe D. he needed to do is not impregnate that whoreTayshaun Price. (Dribbling arounud showing off what he has...leaving us so unsatified)
by Arabdib on Jan 12, 2012 2:48 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Worry not, Kriz
“Hell’s got all the good bands anyway.”
—Wayne Coyne
My blogs: pakagankarachi.livejournal.com (dormant)
burmahunkalove.livejournal.com (occasional signs of life)
by MrHappyMushroom on Jan 12, 2012 10:10 PM EST up reply actions
Rebuilding is always tough.
Everyone knew this team wasnt going to be good. Everyone knows were rebuilding. Next. GO PISTONS!!!
by BennieBladesFan on Jan 12, 2012 1:35 PM EST reply actions
Frank u sure about that?
about the pregnancy? or you just ate too much and can’t fart?
don't bully me, i am from the D(etroit)!!!
It's sad I enjoyed seeing we were so bad in so many areas.
I'm off to point the pink pistol at the porcelain firing range.
Stats definitely tell the entire story here...
Jonas Jerebko once killed a charging female rhinoceros in heat protecting its young with nothing more than a hook shot.
Love Beer? Me too! http://jimbobsbeerblog.wordpress.com/
Follow me on twitter: #JimBobsBeerBlog
Jason Maxiell is in the corner licking his lips.
by rooneymac on Jan 12, 2012 8:09 PM EST reply actions 3 recs
Is anyone else starting to suspect
that Lawrence might come to rue having made such an odd and easily lampooned analogy? I mean, it sounded kind of weird when I first read it. But as this monstrosity of a season continues, I can only see it seeming way worse in time.
My blogs: pakagankarachi.livejournal.com (dormant)
burmahunkalove.livejournal.com (occasional signs of life)
by MrHappyMushroom on Jan 12, 2012 10:12 PM EST reply actions
If this team's a pregnancy, then the kid's going to make Cronenburg proud
WORD PLAY
hollywoodsloce.tumblr.com
by Biz Markie Moon on Jan 13, 2012 10:44 AM EST reply actions
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