Twas The Night Before Moosepocalypse, a.k.a. The Hacky Christmas Post

From November through Christmas, across DBB,

We all hoped for a competent dude at the 3.

The standings were remarkably strange in the East

With Detroit playoff bound since Andre'd been a beast.

Soon, the forums were filled with conjecture and fret;

"It's already December and Josh Smith can't shoot yet."

And Andre with his free throws, and BJ with his shot,

Stirred up the pot on the boards quite a lot.

And throughout the boards, there'd arose a strange chatter:

"Maybe trade Greg Monroe ... before his contract gets fatter."

So, straight to my keyboard my fingers did flash,

"Let's not be hasty. The team's got the cash!"

Some people agreed, but some would not be bent,

'Til finally, I, too, began to relent.

"Well, maybe," I reasoned, "With his value so high,

"We could fix the small forward spot!" So, I also let trade scenaios fly.

Then, an amazing thing happened - a Fanshot from Joe D:

"I've been paying attention to your concerns, DBB,

"So, we're trading Greg to Denver," it read,

With a gif of BK7 getting dunked on and dead.

I was still for a moment, a sudden feeling there was something I'd missed ...

When my mind, filled with horror, recalled one dread handle: @Kriz.

Quickly, I started to delete all my sins,

But it was too late - Kriz was already in.

"Oh, bastards! You bastards!" Kriz exclaimed through the boards,

as she laid waste to the threads and posters she abhorred.

Yes, the posters - sweet mercy, THE POSTERS! - Somehow, her raw rage

Empowered her gif-illustrated fury to leave the Internet - uncaged!

First it was the noobs, innocent and unwashed,

Slain for Moose/LeBron exchanges before they could gasp, "Gosh-"

A guy from Pistons Powered was pummeled for a proposed swap for Bosh!

Pistons staff wasn't safe: she killed Joe, Josh and Josh.

Tom Gores was gored ... Tom Wilson ... Wilson Chandler ...

Javale McGee, Tayshaun, Darko ... All killed with moose antlers.

The carnage was epic, copper blood filled the air,

Til me, MFMP, and 1997sauce were left there.

I said to Mike, "On your admin panel - what's that red link?"

It read, "In case of emergency"; Mike said, "What do you think?"

Said I meekly, "I dunno, I'm so scared - I thought it might be ironic?"

"It's the status quo reboot," sauce replied, "Don't be moronic."

At that moment, the furious Kriz appeared,

Scaring feces from my rear as I quivered with fear.

As I expelled like a rhino or goose, my fear was soon quelled,

He was there - our mighty Moose! - to save us from this nightmarish hell.

A basketball in one hand and a contract in the other,

He said, "It's all good. Kriz, you're one crazy mother!"

He placed his finger to his nose, hit two free throws,

Resurrected the dead, and went to the locker room to change clothes.

I stood there amazed, but he wasn't done;

All DBB and the world were restored - then we went on a 22-4 run!

BJ's shot was falling, and so was Josh Smith's!

The Pistons were playing like Titans of myth!

KCP hit a three - shit, he scored 33!

Andre made all his free throws like free throws are actually FREE!

Chauncey was ballin' with 18 assists!

Singler had 7 steals; Gigi couldn't miss!

Jorts, Jerebko, Mitchell, and Siva all played!

We only had four more shots taken than shots actually made!

Then, with a start, I awoke. The game was on TV.

It was just before tip, about 7:33.

I went to the boards, posted: "Boy, what day is this?"

Someone commented, "Are you ok?" Hooray! It was Kriz!

"So, it isn't too late!" I exclaimed, "Our chance hasn't been missed,"

I went on to explain, until Kriz posted thi-


Merry Christmas and happy holidays, DBB!

FanPosts are user-created posts from the Detroit Bad Boys community and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of all fans or the staff at DBB. The DBB staff reserves the right at any time to edit the contents of FanPosts as they reasonably see fit.

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Detroit Bad Boys

You must be a member of Detroit Bad Boys to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Detroit Bad Boys. You should read them.

Join Detroit Bad Boys

You must be a member of Detroit Bad Boys to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Detroit Bad Boys. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.