So Ben Wallace and Ron Artest finally buried the hatchet, with a little help from Jesse Jackson. From the Chicago Tribune:
“They embraced each other,” Jackson said of the surreal scene in the Kings’ locker room after the game in which the initial combatants in what became the worst brawl in U.S. sports history hugged and followed Jackson into the players’ shower area.
Ummm… okay…
Anywhoo, as we announced yesterday, we’re giving away several of these DVD box sets of the 1988-89 Bad Boys title run. While we await the winners of the ongoing photo contest,
Give us your best in the comments. And at this time tomorrow, we’ll announce the winner and send him/her this awesome prize. A couple of lucky (?) runners-up will receive a copy of this month’s Dime Magazine (I know, it’s not a set of DVDs, but we need to give the rest of these mags out before they’re officially obsolete…).
Look, we’ve made it really easy for you with this picture. I mean, when combined with the whole “Jesse leading them into the shower” image, your mind should be in just the right demented state to take home the prize. So have at it!
Ben: Wow. Your elbow is really soft.
Crazy Ron: Coconut butter.
What?
I use coconut butter. Without it I’d be as ashy as Don King.
Does Don King have dry skin?
Are you kidding me? Have you seen the man’s hai- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it.
Yeah. Cool. Whatever. That coconut butter does smell nice. Wanna take a shower?
Ben: Ron What you lookin at
Ron: If you even look at me wrong, I’ll f you up
Ron: I’m kinda tired, wanna hold hands and take a nap over on the scorer’s table?
Ben: Yaaa, that shower was kind of a one time thing…
Ben: Hey, good luck tonight man, no hard feelings…I know you ain’t as crazy as everyone thinks.
Ron: I like you, do you like me?
Ben: Sure man, we’re cool, I can appreciate that we’re both just misunderstood.
Ron: You have a hràng like my friend…can I touch?
Ben: Man, I thought I was done with this crap when Joe D traded Darko.
Ron: Jagshemash!
Well hello there, Long Duck Dong.
Wallace: So hows your throat?
Artest: Its doin good….Whens my turn?
Wallace: You had your turn when you jumped into the stands
Artest: At least im not a trader
Ron: Hey Ben, you should check out my new album “My World.” I just released it back on Halloween. It’s pretty hot. It’s only ranked #16,499 on Amazon, but word on the street is that it’s blowin’ up in Jamaica.
Ben: What! It’s doin’ even worse than K-Fed’s!? That’s pathetic, man.
Ron: “Dang! Now I see why they call you BIG BEN!”
Ben: “That there’s the TRU Warier!”
Ron: (in soft voice) Baby, let’s never fight again…
Ben: *looks at him confused*
Ron: …Ron Ron is a lover not a fighter, okay schnookems?
Ben: *looks at him angrily*
Ron: *leans in and puckers*
Ben: Whoa there Ron Ron, look, I’ll forgive you and then we can cuddle, but it’ll cost you.
Ron: How much baby?
Ben: Every man’s got his price, and Ben’s is an extra $4 million.
Ron: I can do that, it’ll be chump change once I go platinum…
Ben: Look, a mouse!
Ron: Stay back! I got it.
Ben: It’s just a poor old mouse. Shew it away or something.
Ron: I know, but I’m used to beating up innocent people. The mouse isn’t an exception.
My outstanding feuds with people could only be mended by the healing powers of Scarlett Johannson!
As my ability to beat a fireplug off the dribble is suspect, if I am able to score a box set this would be a hoop highlight for ol’ Ronski here…
PS No relationship to the Artest know by the same name as this Ron is inferred or implied!
Ron: Hold up. Some beeotch threw a beercup on the court.
Ben: Dayam! They just playin’ with you now Ron. You better represent.
Ron: Word. This is for my boys Steven Jackson, Reggie Jackson and Jesse Jackson. The Jackson 5. BYAAAAH!
*Think of Chappelle’s Black Bush epsisode. Hopefully you’ve seen it.
Ron: Don’t try nothin this time Ben. Mike Bibby and his Team Dime gang got my back. Tru Warier son!
Benedict: Yeah, I got people ready to roll.
Ron: Like who?
Benedict: Huh? Like who? uhh… P.J. Brown. Viktor Khryapa’s bringin Ivan Drago. Chris Duhon knows some lacrosse players. Kirk Hinrich and the rest of the sorcerers are willing to cast spells. Luol Deng and the Zulu Nation. Go sell some records bitch!
Ron: Ben hold my hand, I really hope we can be friends. We actually have lots in common.
Ben: Like what man?
Ron: Well, we’re both overrated defenders in desperate need of a haircut, we’re hated by the city of Detroit, and neither of us could ever fill the shoes of Dennis Rodman on or off the court.
Jesse Jackson (in background): Keep hope alive!
Ben: (surprised) “Hey!! What are you doing?”
Ron: (Casually) “Just grabbing some nuts.”
(News reporters voice) “This week in the celebrity basketball tournament, Webster donned a Sacremento Kings jersey and guarded what looked to be a very tired Otis Day who was sporting a Chicago Bulls jersey. I really is nice to see celebrities helping charity. Now we turn to Bob with the weather…..”
Ron: Ben, please don’t put your hands around my neck again…That really hurt, and I couldn’t breathe…
Ben: Your lucky Jesse is here…
Since Blazing Saddles was just on last weekend…
“Excuse me while I whip this out!”
Great responses, guys. You’ve officially made the job of choosing a winner a complete pain in the ass.
Comments are now closed. Look for a posting soon revealing the winner, and thank you again for your participation.