We've read quite a few team previews this preseason (including one of our own), and we're struck by the one characteristic linking them all: a total lack of brevity.
So, to kick off the start of the Pistons' regular season, we've decided to complete the arduous task of previewing every single NBA team, and we're going to be brief about it. And I don't mean haiku-brief either (although that is brilliant); I'm talking three words per team, baby.
"But why three?" I'll pretend you just asked. Just look at the significance that can be achieved with so little:
"E pluribus Unum."
"Citius, Altius, Fortius!"
"Autobots, roll out!"
I think you hear me knockin' and I think I'm coming in.Thank you, Dennis Leary. So, without further rambling, "Let's get it on!"
Wait... Let's(1) get(2) it(3)... on(4)? Damn, this is going to be difficult.
Eastern Conference
Central
Detroit Pistons (1) -- Ben been overrated.
Cleveland Cavaliers (4) -- Still not ready.
Chicago Bulls (6) -- You needed offense.
Indiana Pacers -- Two drink minimum.
Milwaukee Bucks -- Villanueva's the answer?
Atlantic
New Jersey Nets (3) -- VC's contract year.
Toronto Raptors (8) -- Much improved, eh?
Boston Celtics -- Telfair + BPD = Faaaantastic
New York Knicks -- Whither, John Starks.
Philadelphia 76ers -- Everyone but Iggy.
Southeast
Miami Heat (2) -- Content with one.
Washington Wizards (5) -- Gilbert gone wild!
Orlando Magic (7) -- Witness Darko's revenge.
Atlanta Hawks -- Chasing Greg Oden.
Charlotte Bobcats -- Jordan's latest mistake.
Western Conference
Southwest
Dallas Mavericks (1) -- Dirk's second chance.
San Antonio Spurs (3) -- TPizzle still sizzlin'.
Houston Rockets (8) -- McGrady, grizzled vet.
New Orleans Hornets -- CP3 = Little Isiah.
Memphis Grizzlies -- An injured Pau. ((Get it? Bear...Pau...kinda sounds like "paw"...whatever, man.))
Northwest
Denver Nuggets (4) -- 'Melo grows up.
Utah Jazz (6) -- Come back, Memo.
Minnesota Timberwolves -- KG's in purgatory.
Seattle Supersonics -- Jesus Shuttlesworth and...?
Portland Trailblazers -- On-court problems.
Pacific
Phoenix Suns (2) -- Colts of NBA.
Los Angeles Clippers (5) -- Crystal beats Nicholson.
Los Angeles Lakers (7) -- Mamba makes nice?
Golden State Warriors -- Next year, Nelly.
Sacramento Kings -- Artest spontaneously combusts.
Whew, that was rough! Asking a couple of smartass English majors to limit their word count is like asking Jason Maxiell to pass the ball. We'll hold off on playoff predictions this early in the game, but -- should things shake out as shown above -- there will be Raptors involved (and, we imagine, much rejoicing in the land of Canadia).
Enjoy the season.