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Pistons-Rockets Real-Time Recap

By Kevin Sawyer

The Pistons play the Rockets on national TV. Here’s a play-by-play.

    1st Quarter

Has Yao’s moustache always been that thick? Somebody needs to make fun of that.

11:40 – Weird drive to the lane by ‘Sheed. Against Yao, he’s like a point guard.

10:01 – Nice thing about having Billups on your team… You don’t have to worry about jinxing him by making a comment about him at the FT line.

9:36 – Isolation play for Chuck Hayes? Bad idea.

9:21 – Is Yao guarding anyone? Is there a three second rule in this game?

7:45 – I think ‘Sheed just traveled to get behind the three point arc.

Comm – Line from an ad "Give him the gift he’ll use everyday," followed by a shot of a pretty wife in a towel, about to head to the shower. The ad is for a shaver, by the way.

6:00 – Apparently Yao called his team soft the other night. Is that what the ‘stache is for? Cause someone should tell him… Cut to: Footage of Yao practicing jumpers.

5:30 – 2-11 shooting start. Ugh…

4:20 – Problem with the clock.
4:16 – Problem with the clock.
4:20 – Problem with the clock.
4:19 – Seriously…
4:20 – I think announcers should play the Benny Hill theme song during technical difficulties.
4:19 – Here we go!

4:02 – The announcer just jinxed Billups.

3:35 – Yao looked awfully, you know, soft, falling down like that.

2:19 – There’s the three second call.

2:09 – Luis Scola looks like the high school softball player that every boy liked, but only as a friend.

0:00 – The NBA… Where 18-16 happens.

John C. Reilly has a movie coming out. A John C. Reilly vehicle! Maybe we should call him Mr. Cell-o-FAME. Yeah, a musical theater joke on a sports blog. I went there. Love it.

Ugly interview with Flip Saunders. He sounds like Stallone at the end of First Blood: Part II.

    Second Quarter

10:00 – My mother just called. "Honey, that Luis Scola is a pretty girl. And she’s wealthy. Ask her to the dance." Mom, I’m married, and that’s a Houston Rocket…

9:26 – Hell of a pass by Murray. His improvement has been a big part of the Piston’s bench revolution.

9:06 – Then Yao swats him without having to raise his hands.

8:52 – So, Maxiell makes a nasty offensive play, and the announcers are busy commenting on Shane Battier’s congeniality? This IS a soft team.

7:05 – Afflalo just fell for a rookie fake. Ouch.

6:47 – Murray airballs a dunk and forces a bad 18 footer. Note to self: Never compliment Flip Murray again.

4:17 – Jason Maxiell to Yao: One child rule! I eat baby now!

2:17 – Houston is getting bailed out on their clunky threes with long rebounds.

0:41 – The Rockets are also winning the battle of the randomly batted balls.

0:17 – Summary comment from the announcer: "Is this an ugly game or what?"

    Third Quarter

10:16 – Pistons look out of it.

9:42 – VERY out of it.

7:29 – Well, I can’t think of clever things to say while McGrady is burying us.

4:08 – I really wish we would find McDyess more frequently when we are slumping. Ride the Buddha train, 2007 style.

3:17 – Problem with the clock
31.6 – Bigger problem with the clock
3:16 – The NBA, where problems with the clock happen.

1:16 – Chuck Hayes airballs a layup.

0:50 – This thing with the free throws is utterly bananas. It’s become a storyline. Now it’s all the announcers will talk about the rest of the game.

0:00 – LT reminds me of Brian Fellows in his Vizio ads.

    Fourth Quarter

11:42 – Stupid foul on Jarvis Hayes disrupts our momentum. This isn’t his game.

11:10 – Pistons recover a batted ball! Is there a stat for this?

8:59 – ‘Sheed gets a tech. I love the official "prevent your teammate from getting ejected" demeanor. Nudge with the shoulder, pretend you aren’t paying attention. Just be cool. Hope your calmness transfers via shoulder.

8:51 – Yeah, you think ‘Sheed wants it on the next play?

7:30 – This is a terrible game. I’ll say this. The Rockets have gift-wrapped this one for us.

5:40 – The NBA, where ankle sprains at the end of ugly games happen.

1:30 – Back to back threes! 10% of our scoring for the whole game in one minute!

11.4 – Here we are. Nice cut to Dick Bavetta teaching the other referees how to officiate. Could you imagine cutting to Flip Saunders, and hearing him say "okay, you want to put rotation on the ball to give it a better chance of going in. Guys, expect long rebounds."

0.8 – The NBA, where bricking open looks happens.

0.8 – And Antonio McDyess for the game-winning attempt to make it look like he was fouled.

Well, insert WNBA joke here. That was mind-numbing. How many of these Western Conference road trip dealios do we have anyway?