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Looking at the offseason through the looking glass

For the second post in a row, a reader is making my job easier. Many of you have already seen this in the comments, but it deserves a chance to shine on the front page. Ladies and gentlemen, I shall now pass the conch to DBB reader Birdman:

Apologies to Lewis Carroll and for the large amount of scrolling.

"The Walrus and the Carpenter"

LeBron was crowned the MVP,
And crowed with all his might:
He did his very best to be
In the biggest spotlight–
And this was odd, because he lost
The ECF to Dwight.

Kobe Bryant viewed this sulkily,
Because he thought the King
Had got no business to be there
When Kobe had more rings–
"It’s very rude of him," he said,
"To come and spoil my thing!"

Curry was fired as fired could be;
His smallball had to die.
The offseason had begun and
There was no more AI.
No shots were flying overhead–
There were no shots to fly.

Joe Dumars and Coach John Kuester
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Auburn Hills’ empty stands:
"If they could be filled every day,"
They said, "it would be grand!"

"If we had a postseason shot
By the end of next year,
Do you suppose," Joe Dumars said,
"That’d bring more fans in here?"
"I doubt it," said Coach John Kuester,
And shed a bitter tear.

"Pistons fans, come and walk with us!"
Joe Dumars did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
And don’t forget to reach
Into your wallets so you can
Pay for seven seats each."

The cynical fans looked at him,
But never a word they said:
One of these fans winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head–
Meaning to say he did not choose
To buy the line he’s fed.

But four hopeful fans hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their hair was brushed, their jerseys washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat–
A great GM and a new coach
They were eager to meet.

Four more Pistons fans followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more–
All hoping outscoring teams would work,
Wanting the wins of yore.

"The time has come," Joe Dumars said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes–and ‘ships–and three-pointers–
Of combo guards–and rings–
And why Sheed’s temper was so hot–
And how price hikes can sting."

"But wait a bit," the fans had cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us must mourn Amir,
You can’t begrudge us that!"
"No hurry!" said Coach John Kuester.
They thanked him much for that.

"A shooting guard," Joe Dumars said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
And undersized forwards besides
Are very good indeed–
Now if you’re ready, Pistons fans,
Langlois you’ll have to read."

"I weep for you," Joe Dumars said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Checkbooks of largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

"Pistons fans," said Coach John Kuester,
"You’ve had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?’
But answer came there none–
And this was scarcely odd, because
They’d lost every one.

The last time I saw something this awesome it was contagious -- beware!