World Cup Running Diary

This is a basketball blog, but soccer has a lot in common with basketball. It is played internationally. There is a ball and a net. There are flopping Europeans everywhere. Besides, American is involved, so this game actually matters.

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GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!OOOOOOO!6OOOOOOOoiOOOO!!1!OOOOAL!

Charlie V. is training with Ben Wallace. Kwame Brown trains with Robert Green.

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This game sounds as though it is being attended by a swarm of angry bees. What is that? Kazoos? Why kazoos? Soccer fans are weird.

(edit: Reader Kriz informs me that they are in fact plastic horns called "vuvuzelas". So never mind. Soccer fans are normal)

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Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren are finally teaming up again. That's not soccer related, but it is very good news for those who enjoy things ironically.

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Referring to Green's blown save (is that what you call it?), one of the announcers ominously brings up the fact that he is from a rough area, insinuating he might be at risk of personal harm. What, is he from Paraguay? Do Brits actually hurt soccer players for making bad plays? Yikes.

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I can't handle the whole not knowing precisely when the game is going to end thing. If basketball were like that, it would single-handedly make the sport unwatchable.

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When I was a kid, we used to play pickup soccer during recess. One kid named James got very angry, to the point of tears, over the lack of offside calls. We had to have a whole class meeting about it, and the teachers considered not letting us play soccer any more. We came up with some sort of compromise.

I still don't really understand what offside is, but I bet any amount of money that James is drunk out of his mind and screaming at a television somewhere.

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We need more British/Australian/Irish announcers here in the states.

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Boy, soccer players sure know how to enforce a "no layups" rule. These guys make Bruce Bowen look like a pansy.

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So, when the game gets close to ending, do soccer teams have a go-to guy. Like, to be people talk about clutch players in soccer? Are there people who study metrics, fervently disputing the notion that there is such a thing as a clutch player.

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Announcer just used the word "physiology". That doesn't happen in the NBA.

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Now they are talking about chemistry and team play. That's more like it. Can I get a "sense of urgency"?

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The fans put down their kazoos briefly for an impromptu singing of the national anthem.

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This United States goalie is tops. I believe I'll elect him man of the match.

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Why aren't there any stats? I need onscreen stats to tell me which team is playing better, since there isn't any actual scoring.

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Here's what I won't be doing tomorrow: Waking up at 6 am to watch Algeria vs. Slovenia.

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I like the "no swearing" rule. You can jab your cleats into another man's shin, but you may not say the word "ass". It's like a dark world NBA, where you can shout racial epithets to your teammates, but cannot so much as breathe on Kobe Bryant.

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So the referee just chooses how much time to put on at the end of the game? I cannot abide.

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The game ends in a satisfying tie, and the men begin taking off their shirts. I cannot believe this sport is not more popular in America.