Introducing: DBB Drunken Mailbag
As trusted members of journalism held to the highest standards of integrity, we here at Detroit Bad Boys know how vital it is that you get information from us that passes through as few filters as possible.
What if I were to tell you the news and opinions you were receiving from us, your trusted Detroit Bad Boys bloggers, were actually censored into oblivion? Not by corporate sponsors, not by the fine folks at SB Nation but by the devil within? Yes, it is our very own minds that casts filters upon our opinions, adulterating and altering them from their natural state? And what if I were to tell you that a magical elixir had been concocted that could remove such filters? This potion, created merely by binding a hydroxyl functional group (-OH) to a saturated carbon atom, has been given the name alcohol and it can wash away the filters to increase the purity of our ideas. Well, this unfiltered purity is the inspiration for our new bi-weekly feature.
Drunken Mailbag will have the dual purpose of introducing you to some of the authors’ favorite inebriatives while giving you the straight from the heart answers that only our defiltering process can provide to your deepest and most sacred Pistons-related questions (with maybe a few non-related Pistons questions thrown in for spice). In each Drunken Mailbag article, you will get a different DBB author answering different questions while libating a different libation: the variables are endless!
Now before we begin with the Drunken Mailbag, we want to quell any fears you may have concerning the responsible use of alcohol. As pillars of the Detroit community, we understand that it is our duty to serve as a beacon of light that guides the way to safe and responsible alcohol consumption. As such, please allow me to use this space to assure you that at no time while we are responding to questions in a drunken state, will the authors of Detroit Bad Boys partake in the following activities:
Driving an automobile, riding a penny-farthing, fixing faulty wiring, housing an embryo in our womb, texting an ex to profess our love, taking on a new welding project, or operating any heavy machinery such as a die casting machine, a washing machine filled with anvils, or a
Jack Oliver Miller-in-the-box.
We, the authors at Detroit Bad Boys, hereby acknowledge that our behavior does still come with some risks. According to various trusted medical websites, alcohol consumption can lead to pancreatic pain, shrinking frontal lobes, dependence, shifty eyes, strange sensations, cardiomyopathy, cirrhosis, and sexual dysfunction. However, our commitment to pure unfiltered content supersedes that of our personal well-being.
Rest assured, though, that all authors will take precautionary measures by wearing proper protection. When alcohol is consumed responsibly in this manner, we can be assured not to hear the wailing sounds of an approaching ambulance, but rather the light pitter-patter of fingertips upon the keyboard as we slovenly scribe our slurred scripts.
First author up: None other than myself, J Parker Pool. As a newbie, I will follow in the footsteps of Keon Clark to allow you a peek into my innermost thoughts on basketball, the Pistons, and life itself.
Please leave any mailbag questions in the comments below and recommend ones you especially want answered -OR- you can use the hashtag: #AskDBB