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Pistons' offense goes cold against Heat, Detroit loses 107-89

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The Pistons' offense missed the flight to Miami, and they got blown out of the gym Tuesday night on TNT.

Robert Duyos-USA TODAY Sports

Hopefully you missed it, but the Detroit Pistons got blown out by the Miami Heat on national television this evening. The final score was 107-89, but easily could've been substituted by the pre-halftime Space Jam scoreboard. Since this was such a snoozer, I decided to write two recaps for you.

The glass half-full quick recap:

The Pistons did us Detroit fans a favor tonight. And we should thank them.

Instead of making us frantically multi-task between them and Tigers' Opening Day, they decided to take the night off. Maybe they figured that we've had our chance to watch them for the better part of five months, and that it was time for a "night off." Time for us to reacquainted with Miggy, JV, and all the ramblings at Bless You Boys. Yeah, that explains it. They wanted us to focus on the Tigers.

And you know what? It's fine. It's fine that Marcus Morris, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, and Stanley Johnson combined for five total points. It's fine that the Heat shot 52 percent and had 22 assists. The Bulls and Wizards are already making tee times and booking cabanas in Vegas during TV timeouts at this point. The Pistons needed some "rest" but didn't want to pull a full Spurs and sit everyone, so we just ran the engine at half speed. In the long run, this game will be the difference between fresh legs in Game 1 and Game 7 come playoff time. Everything's fine. No reason to panic.

The glass half-empty quick recap:

Seriously Pistons?! We're five games away from a postseason berth and you lay a goose egg?!? Was the bottle service at LIV that good? Did the South Beach weather really chill you guys out that much? Because there was barely any offensive or defensive energy for not one, not two, not three, but four quarters. Its called a playoff PUSH for a reason.

In case you want to re-watch the Pistons-Heat game tonight, just head down to your local YMCA, watch the pickup games and maybe you'll witness an equivalent effort atrocity.

KCP needs to go back and find his New Year's Resolutions, because the January him is long gone. Marcus Morris came crashing down to earth harder than whatever the hell was in 10 Cloverfield Lane (spoiler: The movie is god-awful) and Stanley Johnson gave us another solid year and change of "Why did the Pistons pass on Winslow" thinkpieces.

At least Reggie Jackson tried to take over in the third quarter and finished with 21 points. Andre Drummond also got another double-double with 12 points and 13 rebounds, but as far as bright spots go, that is literally it. I hope SVG lights that visitors locker room on fire. That game needs to be quarantined and deleted from our memory.

Now, your thoughts.