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Preseason Pistons’ non-basketball awards

Who would be the best roommate? Most likely to succeed as a barista?

News: The 2017 ESPYS Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

October 18th is still a long ways away.

Below are nine questions and each answer must (you can only take one) be a current Pistons’ player, coach or well known personality within the organization. Once you choose a player, coach or personality, he is no longer eligible to be the answer of another question.

Road trip from Detroit to Los Angeles, who are you taking along for the ride?

I’m taking Greg Kesler for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, being partnered with George Blaha for so long, he’s accustomed to a give-and-take relationship which means he’ll do his fair share of driving, all I’m looking for is a 50/50 split.

I’m assuming we don’t have the exact same taste in music BUT we could meet in the middle easier than Henry Ellenson, Stanley Johnson or anyone under the age of 25 for that matter.

Greg would go above and beyond the “Need anything?” when we stop for gas. I picture Special K coming out of the gas station with a couple bags full of snacks, drinks and a low-key smirk on his face.

Finally, he probably owns a fair share of cool stories and neat facts about each town we pass so the trip will be educational as well.

Who would be the best walk around character at Disney World?

Job description bullet points: you’ve got the be on your feet all day, good with kids, posses charisma, a functional dancer and able to bring the Disney characters to life.

I know HR is going to kill me but I’m ruling out anyone over the age of 30.

Andre Drummond and it’s not even close. Dre’s still a kid at heart (that’s not a shot) and would thrive under these conditions. Plus, his sheer size would astonish children and adults alike.

Who would be the most honest mechanic?

I can usually get gas into the car but that’s the extent of my vehicle know-how. I need someone who’s going to shoot me straight (the first time) as I don’t have time to research the cost of a new johnson rod.

Is there anyone else better suited for this job than Stan Van Gundy? Sure, he can fall into a bit of ‘coach speak’ at times but by-and-large, he’ll deliver the harsh truth and won’t steal your loose change.

You live in a two bedroom 750 square foot apartment and need a roommate, who are you choosing?

I’m prioritizing (assumed) sleep habits over everything else. With that said, sorry all Pistons’ players under the age of 25, I’m not looking for a night owl, lights out by 10 p.m. with no exceptions.

Second, I don’t want anyone needy; although we’re roommates, we live separate lives. Yes, I’ll let your dog out from time to time but I’m not a full time babysitter. This rules out all Pistons’ bigs as they need to be “rewarded” on the offensive end for simply playing defense well. No thanks.

Like the road trip, there is a lot of give-and-take so I need someone who understands that in order for this to succeed, we’ve both gotta roll up our sleeves to make sure this works.

NBA: Portland Trail Blazers at Detroit Pistons Raj Mehta-USA TODAY Sports

I’m taking George Blaha.

Tuesday is garbage day, George, don’t forget.

Stuck in the rainforest for one month, who are you taking to ensure survival?

No young guys - you can’t Google “how to pitch a tent” in the middle of the rainforest. You know who knows how to do shit like that?

Anthony Tolliver.

I bet he can start a fire, hunt, ward off predators and knows which snakes are poisonous. I mean, he survived in Sacramento for a full year, the rainforest would be a piece of cake.

Who would make for the best barista?

The best qualities of a barista are shared by point guards: attention to detail, positive attitude and a clear sense of team over individual. Ish Smith, the job is yours for the taking. Smith would know the regulars and memorize their drink of choice within a week.

You’re in a real life “21 Jump Street” scenario; who's your partner?

It’s must be someone who encompasses both street and book smarts while confident enough to not blow our cover.

It’s Reggie Jackson.

Jackson can talk the talk and walk the walk to infiltrate the dealers and find the suppliers.

Who would be the best stand up comedian?

I’m going for unintentional comedy here and taking Boban Marjanovic. I have a feeling he would continually screw up the punch line or tell jokes that don’t make sense and with broken english, the laughs wouldn’t stop!

“Why did chicken cross road? Your mother!”

“Here, push my finger.”

“How many Chicago Bulls to screw in lightbulb? Four.”

You can have dinner with any three people from this person’s phone book, whose phone book are you choosing?

I’m taking Stanley Johnson.

Being from out west, I bet he has the best mix of athletes, musicians and actors in his contacts; at least the ones I’d be interested in.

Congrats—I think?— to the winners.