FanPost

A Piston Play. In One Act.


(An effort to Cheer myself up after Pistons recent bad streak of luck).

Featuring: Killian Hayes, Jeremi Grant, CADE Cunningham, Josh Jackson, Dwane Casey, Troy Weaver, and last but least, Tom Gores.

Setting: Pistons Practice Facility.

Time: Morning shoot around of Today's game.

Killian Hayes, the first player to arrive at the Pistons shoot around, sees Coach Casey already busy, erasing and writing on a long whiteboard. On the whiteboard are diagrammed all eight Piston offensive plays. All the plays are Iso's for Jeremi Grant. Killian walks to his desk, sits down and raises his hand.

Casey: Yes Killian.

Killian (excited): Coach, we gonna get some new plays?

Casey: Not exactly Killian. I'm modifying them to fit our new situation. See, I'm erasing Grant's name where it appears and replacing it with Saddiq's.

Killian (confused): Why Coach?

Casey: Haven't you heard? Jeremi's injury. It was all over ESPN last night.

Killian: I was watching 'Nick At Nite'. I must have missed it.

Casey: Yeah, he injured the thumb on his shooting hand and is going to miss about 4 weeks.

Killian: That's terrible Coach. Same thing happened to me.

Casey: Not quite son. You injured your left hand.

Killian wonders should he explain Casey's mistake, but remains quiet. Josh arrives next and sits at the desk next to Killian's

Josh: Hi Kil. Hi Coach. Anything I can do for you Coach?

Casey: Yes Josh, there is. Can you take this sheet with the changes to plays and make copies for everyone?

Josh: Garza too?

Casey (smiling): Yes Josh everybody. And could you toss out this old version?

Josh: Sure thing coach! .

Josh crumples up the old play sheet and shoots toward the wastepaper basket. The 'ball' clangs off the bottom of the lip on the basket and falls to the floor. Smiling sheepishly, Josh picks it up and puts it in the basket. Casey shakes his head silently and thinks, 'I've seen that before'? Josh exits the room heading toward the copier.

Troy Weaver then arrives and pulls Casey aside.

Troy (calm, but excited): Dwane, I've found the solution to our problems.

Casey (hopeful): You got Ayton?

Troy (shaking his head): Nope.

Casey (questioning): Bridges?

Troy (smirking): No.

Casey: (cautious): Bagley?

Troy: Of course not.

Casey: Plumlee?

Troy (big smile): No man, I fixed it in house. It's Garza! We're going to apply for a 'medical hardship' waver to allow us to play all our home games in the half court. Winners out. Garza doesn't need to run. Problem solved. I already cleared it with Tom. He thinks it'll look great on TV. All the fans on one half of the court. He said it will make it look like Pistons are a hot ticket. He'll be here shortly to join us. We got to work out the presentation to Silver.

Casey: The time line will be the new baseline? (Troy nods yes). Winners out. That means if you score, you get to take the ball out of bounds again? (Troy nods yes again). Can we make it Losers out?

Troy: Good idea!

Killian, who's been listening to the conversation, starts waving his hand frantically, bouncing up and down in his seat...

Killian (extremely excited): Mr. Weaver sir! Mr. Weaver sir! I've got an idea! Mr. Weaver sir!

Troy (sensing the urgent need in his young guard, turns to Killian and says): Hello there CADE! What's on your mind?

Killian (blushing): Oh, no sir. You're mistaken. It's me Killian. 7th pick in the draft.

Troy: Sorry. That is my mistake.

Casey silently nods his head up and down, thinking to himself, 'Finally, he admits it'!

Killian: Sir, Mr. Weaver sir. I've got a great idea. Well, with Kelly being out, and Jeremi going down. And this 11 game losing streak!

Troy's face starts turning red. Veins start bulging from his forehead! Killian sensing he needs to hurry...

Killian: Well sir, remember Sekou?

Troy: Who?

Killian: Sekou sir.

Troy: Seiko?

Killian: No Sekou sir. Me and him are buds. We text everyday. He'd just love to come back sir. He told me, he promises not put tacks on Coach's chair again. He said he'd be okay with no one ever passing to him! Sir, he'd be as contrite as a puppy with it's tail between his legs. He even said he's sorry for calling you 'Evil Step Mother' and comparing himself to Cinderella!

Troy (finally grasping the situation): You mean Doumbouya! I...I thought he was dead...or in Europe! Same thing!

Troy mutters something under his breath about, 'Emptying his clip'. Suddenly, Tom Gores prances into the room. All present immediately knee and bow down.

Gores (feigning embarrassment): Subjects! Subjects! Please, get up. None of this behavior is warranted.

Gores fondles his jewelry. He moves Killian's apple aside, and dumps a bunch of plastic cards on Casey's desk. Josh, who has just returned with his copies, places them on the desk and picks up a card.

Josh (quizzical): These look like credit cards. What are they?

Gores (smirking): They're pre-paid phone cards. My newest thing. Each is loaded with $100 worth of minutes. Only cost $125 per card. These are all samples. Help yourselves!

Josh (looking over the cards, front and back): What's this here on the back about inmates?

Casey (turns to Josh and Killian): Fellas, we three are going to have our meeting, you guys get on the court and work on your defense.Pretend your guarding LeBron.

Josh & Killian (in unison): Defense? Shouldn't we be shooting 500 three pointers?

Josh (adds): A thousand!

Casey: No, no shooting yet. I figured out why our 3 point percentage is so low. So I got rid of the new balls and were using last years again. Only we have to wait for the assistant coaches to finish writing 'Wilson' on them with sharpies.

Casey leaves with Weaver and Gores, and Josh heads on court to pass out the new plays. Killian stays behind for a moment to practice tying his shoes. Who strolls in but CADE and Jeremi. All three exchange warm greetings and hi fives.Then CADE and Killian face one another, nod their heads forward, touch AFRO's and start chanting...

KIllian and CADE (boisterously): CADE & Killian! CADE & Killian! If you beat them once you never will again! CADE & Killian! CADE & Killian! If you beat them once you never will again! GO PISTONS!

Jeremi smiles, chuckles to himself, and thinks, 'Rookies'! CADE sinks into his 'BarcaLounger', motions a couple female assistants over, while Killian and CADE converse.

Killian: Mr. Grant, could I ask a favor?

Jeremi (smiles and puts his arm around Killian's shoulder): Killian, I've told you before, call me Jeremi. What you need?

Killian: Well, Jeremi...I don't know...if I should ask...

Jeremi: Oh, I know. Need help with your laces again?

Killian: No. No. I came in early for that. It's just... well...

Jeremi: Now I know. You want me to talk to coach about running Iso's for you again. We've discussed this before. You're just too young! Maybe later when you're older.

CADE (interrupting his manicure and facial, pulls the cucumber slices from his eyelids and barks): Not Iso's Jeremi. Pick and Rolls. Pick and Rolls.Tell Casey we need to run Pick and Rolls!

Jeremi (puzzled): Pick and Rolls, what's that?

CADE rolls his eyes, plops the cucumber slice in his mouth and mutters to himself...'I'm hungry. Where's the veggie burgers'?

Killian: Well Jeremi, you know how CADE & I have planned that big blowout to celebrate our 5th win!

Jeremi: Yeah man! You gonna still throw it at CADE's penthouse? I'm down with it!

Killian: Sure enough! But...with Kelly out, and now you hurt, a 11 game losing streak. We might not win until February! We decided to go ahead and have it now! Everybody's welcome. Bring all your friends.Think we should ask Coach?

Jeremi (looks around, nods his head up and down): NO!

Killian: So, getting back to the favor...uh... what we need...hmm...Think you could buy a few cases of beer for us?

Jeremi (big smile): NO PROBLEM BRO!...I'll be there early!


Fade to black.

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