It goes without saying that everyone in the world agrees that the Detroit Pistons should win the 2023 NBA Draft Lottery. But, if fate is cruel, which current lottery teams do you LEAST want to see win? Consider this the Hater Lottery; for some reason there are just a ton of teams I’d hate to see win the lottery this year. Maybe it has something to do with a particular draft-eligible alien, who knows. Here’s my Hater Lottery results and explanation:
- OKC: First of all, their owners are major dicks for stealing their team from Seattle. Second of all, they’ve been the most blatant tankers in the league since trading Westbrook, and while I love the Pistons tanking, I hate OKC doing it. Third of all, they’ve got plenty going for them already so the last thing they need is to win this lottery.
- Chicago: I don’t know that much needs to be said about the Bulls and why I wish ill upon them, but this is just as much about their abhorrent medical staff repeatedly committing malpractice and not wanting to wish that on Wembanyama.
- New Orleans/Orlando: I can’t separate these two; haven’t these clowns had enough lottery luck? They don’t deserve nice things.
- Washington: It would be cruel and unusual punishment for such an incredible talent to land in NBA purgatory. Though running out a Porzingis/Wembanyama lineup would admittedly be hilarious.
- Houston: Kind of similar to OKC but because they suck so much now, I don’t hate them as much. I just feel like they don’t deserve a player this cool when their roster is just filled with dudes who just seem kinda like dicks.
- San Antonio: This might be controversial, but can we just let San Antonio suck for a while without gifting them another Hall-of-Fame talent big man? Also, I’m still not over 2005.
- Indiana: This is purely about vibes and aesthetics; can you picture Wembanyama in Indianapolis of all places wearing a Pacers uniform for 9 years? Eww.
- Utah: Similar to Indiana but cooler jerseys IMO.
- Toronto: I hate them because Scottie Barnes didn’t deserve ROY, and he SURE AS HELL didn’t deserve March rookie of the month over Cade. I’ll never forgive this gross injustice.
- Charlotte: Similar to Washington but with cooler jerseys and the additive value of LaMelo’s on-court swagginess.
- Dallas: They don’t need any help in sabotaging Luka’s career, but that’d be an admittedly fun combination.
- Portland: My God can you imagine the Sam Bowie/Greg Oden narrative? Delicious.
You don’t have to go through every team, but what’s your list and reasons?